When old people go into medical Care such as nursing homes and repeated hospital visits, they are being artificially kept alive.
Take my mom for example. At the hospital, they kept her in a cocktail of medications to answer her. Every little whim. Her whims were increased by boredom and focus on her physical sensations. So the medicine increased. The focus on physical discomfort increased. Solid sleep decreased because of the constant checking of vitals and noises of the hospital. Her life became an illusion, a mirage. Her reality became an institution. She was no longer herself. Her mind was altered by her environment as well as drugs. When we talked to her as Betty, she did not respond as Betty, she responded as Miss jowers, the hospital patient. When I tried to get her to come home, home was not realistic to her. When I tried to remind her that she was a self-sufficient, independent, strong, happy woman, she had no idea what I was talking about. She was a zombie.
That's what happens when you enter nursing care. As an old person. You are signing up to be a zombie. When you sign up your aging parents for that, you are signing them up to be a zombie. You are signing up to spend the rest of your time with your parents as a zombie in an artificial relationship.
Josie is on that fence right now. Her mom is in a home where she can get care that Josie can't give her. That is going to increase to nursing care. Josie is already losing her relationship with her mom by her mom deferring life decisions to Josie. Josie is already losing interest in that position and she is already feeling resentful about it. She told me.
I blame the system and her mom. I feel Josie should put the decisions back in her mom's lap. Josie should tell her mom how much she wants to help her and honor her. And then ask her mom what can she do to best help and honor her. When her mom asks for an outcome rather than an action, Josie needs to ask, how can I make that happen? She needs to decline responsibility for things that are not within her power. She needs to continue to ask her mom to make decisions.
Let me write a book, Lord, to Josie, without saying it's to Josie, to propose this idea to all these people in this position. Especially to the aging parents who are putting their children in that position.